Choosing to change oneself, one's identity & one's name is certainly not for the faint of heART...
I have been many names in this life...last names at least.
I was born as Adrienne Lee Blair.
Married young and became Adrienne Lee Happy.
Divorced older & wiser as Adrienne Lee.
But always Adrienne...a sweet and beautiful name.
A name that has meant so much to so many.
A name that still speaks to the soft inner child of my past, my wounds and my heartaches.
Still very much a part of my being...
And yet here I present the newest iteration of myself.
My rebirthing process has been in full swing for over a year now,
beginning September of 2019 as I felt the internal shifts of full personal disclosure happening
between my psyche, my shadow & how I show up in the world.
Major enlightenment around my body & how she has been speaking to me my whole life.
I knew I was becoming someone new...
but the knowing that she needed a new name did not come until spring of 2020.
An unusual name landed to be sure!
And not one of my conscious choosing...
this name was gifted to me by the land on which I live during a very deep meditation
as chaos began to descend in our country in 2020.
As I sat on the soil, breathing, crying, raging for the pain of people of color
and despairing about my part in the collective pain, feeling it all...
this word landed in my bones.
I heard it, felt it, & literally saw it in my mind's eye.
Curious! What on earth is this message?
In due time I remembered and began to research this word.
Oh it is a name!
From Old English origins, it means "One who cannot be tamed."
Coming from lands where my father's lineage had come from.
And in reading that I knew...
I am Wyld.
My life, this miracle that I've been gifted, has been an intense and often overwhelming journey of denying my own domestication over & over again. To know me, my Kentucky roots, & my story is to know a story of a paradigm trying it's hardest to bring me to my knees, to quiet my voice, to tame me. A story of multiple abuses
- physical, sexual & emotional -
all given to me because I live in a female body.
A story where I am my own heroine,
where I woke up to the inequities of my life
and stepped fully on the path of personal liberation.
A story of CHOICE.
A story of self love.
A story of devoting myself to Great Mystery
and living my truth so that others have permission to as well.
I was offered this beautiful gift
~ Wyld ~
the name for the matriarch & elder that I am slowly unfolding into...
the one in connection with this land.
The one who survived childhood trauma, marriage, divorce, abuse,
motherhood & single parenthood soul intact.
I sat with Wyld for many moons,
feeling her skin on my bones.
It has been a long birthing process,
full of ancestral work, activism and journeys behind the veil.
It has been a honey slow unraveling,
tended daily by my heART and with the support of my people and my dance.
But I still hadn't come to terms with my unveiling...
until a potent journey with a dear teacher.
In this journey, I was bitten by a snake and we both died.
I witnessed our bodies sinking in, becoming lifeless, skin peeling away.
I was completely dismembered underneath a saguaro, picked to bones by a turkey vulture.
One Leg Bone taken by a coyote and the other femur taken
by a Grandmother medicine woman to make a pipe or a flute.
Our blood fed the cactus until one red flower bloomed.
I physically felt the revulsion of my death, the tremors, I wanted to purge...to vomit, to escape.
But I stayed.
And the longer I surrendered to this death, the easier I breathed.
I accepted completely.
Then I began to reform; naked, juicy, whole... my missing leg bones re-made of desert.
I was given the snake bones as a gift- my power. Transmutation.
It was then I knew the death process was complete...
and the rebirthing could begin.
Becoming Wyld has taken 13 moons,
and in this name I offer myself liberation from the old story.
To liberate oneself is to offer liberation to all.
That is my greatest prayer in these times... that we can all dance our own dance and be free.
And in this process, I have come to fully understand my work & my purpose.
It is my honour to be of service as you walk your own story to liberation.
I have been surprised at how this shift has been received, questioned & brought disdain by some.
It has been uncomfortable.
And that's ok!
This change may require some rewiring of neural pathways.
May bring up curiousity or irritation.
I invite you to sit with any feelings that this renaming might bring up...
and ask yourself why?
Why is change so questioned in our culture when it is the only constant?
Why can't we rebirth, rename & reinvent ourselves?
Why does life need to be taken so seriously all the time?
Why do we feel feelings about another's personal process?
What do we lose by offering open curiousity instead of judgement?
Do we feel irritation because they are stepping outside of the box?
Have we been in a box our whole lives and not seen it?
Does someone changing make us question our own truths?
Maybe get curious about the boxes you reside in!
These mental boxes might include:
Right to Joy
Rest vs Laziness
The Should's & Have to's
All of these (& more) can keep us "in our place" & not free to access what our actual truth is.
When we fear what others will think so much that we deny who we are...then we are not free.
(Acknowledging here also the real issues of safety for many. Liberation work begins within first,
then moves outward as we discern whom our truth is safe with.)
I invite you to deepen into your beliefs around liberation work & what that might mean.
Thank you so kindly for reading my words here & taking the time to witness my rebirthing!
I look forward to sharing space soon...